Be My Valentine’s Day Massacre

Do you want to know how cool I was in high school? Let me paint the picture for you. It’s senior year, it’s Valentine’s Day, and instead of kickin’ it with some fly honey on my arm, I was at home watching wrestling. There was a strict pay-per-view limit in my household growing up. I could only order the big four. However, this event was a rare exception… I think my parents felt bad for me.

WWE St. Valentine’s Day Massacre emanated from Memphis, TN, and was headlined by a steel cage showdown between Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince McMahon. Austin put his WrestleMania 15 title shot on the line, and in return, McMahon stated he would fire any member of the Corporation who interfered in the match.

This event also marks the WWE début of The Big Show, who then went by his real name, Paul Wight. In the match’s closing moments, Show broke through the bottom of the ring, beat-up Austin, and threw him into the cage. Only he threw him so hard that the cage broke. Austin held on and fell to the floor for the win.

Mankind and The Rock wrestled to a draw in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship. The match was ok, but the finish of both men knocking each other out with simultaneous chair shots wasn’t earned. The crowd chanted ‘Bull &@#$” at the finished product because the storyline promised a winner.

Val Venis beat Ken Shamrock for the IC title, thanks to aid from special referee Billy Gunn. Ken also had to deal with the mental anguish of his sister, Ryan Shamrock, dating a porn star in Venis. There were rumors that Ken turned down the idea of an incest angle; however, he ended up dating Ryan behind the scenes.

Bob Holly pinned fellow JOB Squad member Al Snow in a river to win the vacant WWE Hardcore Championship in the night’s shocker. Why was this shocking? Well, because Holly always lost. Snow fans were denied head on that Valentine’s Day, as Bob Holly became Hardcore Holly.

In other action, Chyna & Kane beat Triple H & X-Pac, Big Boss Man toppled Mideon, Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart retained the tag team titles against Mark Henry & D’Lo Brown, and Goldust delivered shatter dreams to the Blue Meanie’s fetish tribute character to the golden one, Bluedust.

While today’s top-shelf in-ring standards would pan St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, it was one of the most pivotal shows of the Attitude Era. It was an action-filled soap opera rounded out by Stone Cold Steve Austin pummeling Mr. McMahon in the black bar steel cage, marking the structure’s final outing.

All in all, not a bad way for a teenager to spend Valentine’s Day.