It’s All About The Luck of The Draw in The Royal Rumble

The unsung hero of the Royal Rumble event is the golden spinning tumbler that holds the numbers drawn randomly to determine the order of entry into the Royal Rumble match. The luck of the draw is so important because the higher the number, the higher a wrestler’s chances are of victory. Back in the day, the actual drawing of the numbers was focused on a lot more because it gave fans a clue as to what spot the wrestlers drew without revealing the actual point of entry.

For the second time in four decades, the baseball writers of America failed to elect any of this year’s nominees for the Hall of Fame. Steroid tainted stars such as Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds are the main cause of this shut out. This development makes a definitive statement as to what baseball fans expect from its elite. This makes me wonder if wrestlers should be held to a similar standard in order to gain entrance into the WWE Hall of Fame? Some food for thought.

Continue reading “Should Steroid Users Be In The WWE Hall of Fame?” →

The WWE Santa Clause

Does the WWE have a clause in their contract with Santa Claus that he has to receive a yuletide beating each year? Around the holidays every year, the Santa Claus character receives a squared circle thrashing, in some way, shape, or form. Sometimes, a suspect Santa gets a fist in the face and other times, the genuine article gets a body slam for his troubles. Trust me, no one is safe, not even someone as pure and jolly as Santa Claus, from the shenanigans of professional wrestling.

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How Did You Become A Wrestling Fan?

(Column written for gerweck.net)

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and while we all have things in our life to be thankful for, I think wrestling can appear on that list in some way, shape, or form. Wrestling fans come from all walks of life and all of us having our own likes and dislikes about the business. Some are casual WWE fans while others are hardcore fans who simply can’t get enough of their favorite pastime.

Continue reading “How Did You Become A Wrestling Fan?” →

Buzz Off, Bozo: An Ewok Adventure Story

I honestly don’t even know why I’m about to share this story except for the fact that it gets a laugh out of everyone, and my wife thinks it would be good to tell. Besides, it’s Star Wars related, so it kind of works with the blog.

To say I took things too literally as a kid would be an understatement.

When I was in kindergarten, a third-grader on the school bus told me that I would get free candy if I showed my middle finger to the bus driver. “That’s all I have to do to get free candy?” I thought. Sign me up! The bus driver looks in her rearview mirror and sees me flipping her the bird as I smile ear to ear. Do you think there was any candy in my future?

Nope.

Continue reading “Buzz Off, Bozo: An Ewok Adventure Story” →

Confessions of a Wrestling Superfan: Chapter 2: WrestleMania 14

I was a junior in High School when Wrestlemania 14 invaded the Fleet Center in Boston. I marked out like a schoolgirl at a Justin Bieber concert when it as announced a year earlier during the Wrestlemania 13 broadcast. Fast forward one year later, and I’m wondering how I’m going to skip school without my parents finding out to see the WrestleMania Public Workout at City Hall Plaza.

It was a well-timed endeavor that required me to leave my house and walk all the way around my neighborhood and double back to hideout at a friend’s house, who was also skipping school. My father is one of those folks who loves to look out the window and take in the sights. The only way to avoid him was to stand on the back porch banister and jump over a large un-climbable fence. I flew over the fence with the grace of a bear and hit the ground running on my way to the train station.

I arrived at City Hall Plaza three hours early, and there must have been 5,000 people already there. In-ring action saw Taka Michinoku pin Scott Taylor to retain Light Heavyweight title and the Headbangers defeated Los Boricuas to retain the NWA Tag Team Titles. The show ended with an in-ring confrontation between Steve Austin and DX, with Mike Tyson, in which Austin was jumped by Los Boricuas and tied in the ring ropes, allowing Tyson, HBK, and HHH to kiss Austin’s head.

Shawn Michaels received no love from the Boston faithful as some fan nailed him in the head with a battery. He left the ring in a heated frenzy, and HHH was left to pick up the pieces with a confused Mike Tyson. Shawn and Vince McMahon got into a heated argument in the entranceway and Vince had the angriest look I have ever seen on a human being as he yelled and pointed at the ring. Of course, HBK listened to the boss and went back to the ring.

Later that evening, my father summoned me to the living room. I had no idea what was coming as he calmly asked me to sit down and watch something he had recorded. He popped a tape into the VCR and I was treated to the six o’clock news courtesy of WCBV Channel 5 Boston. News anchor Natalie Jacobs provided a lovely voice-over saying, “You are watching a truant officer’s worst nightmare” as the camera panned by yours truly flipping the bird and yelling obscenities while proudly wearing my Austin 3:16 shirt.

My jaw hit the floor in sheer terror as he rewound the tape and asked me if I recognized the individual on the screen. I couldn’t believe it. He asked me what I was thinking, but my mouth could not produce an answer. He told me I was grounded for a week, and I could forget about Wrestlemania.

Around 2:00 pm on Wrestlemania Sunday, a sudden rush of courage came out of nowhere, and I knew I was catching that 2:49 pm train into Boston. As I left the house, my Mom asked me where I was going. I didn’t say anything, I just looked at her. She knew where I was going and gave me her blessing with a simple smile.

My friends and I arrived in Boston and the front door of the Fleetcenter was turned in a mini block party courtesy of the W.W.F. Every local radio station was giving out free food and swag. We bought stolen Wrestlemania t-shirts from some guy in an alley. I also bumped into Vlad the superfan that can be spotted in the front row of every W.W.F. pay-per-view in the ’80s to ’90s. I wanted to ask him how he always got such good seats but I was too scared to ask.

We secured our last row balcony seats and get ready for the grand-daddy of them all. The show opens with the worst rendition of the national anthem ever sang courtesy of Chris Warren’s D-Generation X band. I believe it was dubbed the “new wave alternative version.” They were booed out of the building, and if you heard it, you would have booed them too. Jim Ross tried to cover it up on commentary by saying, “That is what the W.W.F. is all about. The freedom of expression.”

The opening match was a Tag Team Battle Royal to determine the #1 contenders for the tag titles. Animal & Hawk won by eliminating The New Midnight Express (Bombastic Bob Holly & Bodacious Bart Gunn). They came in with a new look calling themselves L.O.D. 2000 and a new manager in Sunny. L.O.D. got a big pop when their music hit because they were in the midst of a break up the last time they were seen on T.V. There were a lot of makeshift teams, and the one that got the biggest reaction was Flash Funk & Steve Blackman. Taka Michinoku pinned Aguila with the Michinoku Driver to retain the Light Heavyweight title. Both wrestlers worked hard but their match equated to a firework show.

Triple H pinned Owen Hart to retain the European Championship after a low blow from Chyna. The main attraction of this match was whether or not Chyna could interfere in the match since she was handcuffed to Commissioner Sgt. Slaughter. Chyna threw powder in Slaughter’s face during the closing moments of the match, giving her the opening to cost Hart the match.

Marc Mero & Sable defeated Goldust & Luna Vachon in a mixed tag team match. Sable was unquestionably the star of this match as her Powerbomb on Luna got one of the biggest pops of the night. Ken Shamrock defeated the Rock via ankle lock submission to win the Intercontinental Championship…but the decision was reversed when Shamrock wouldn’t let go of the ankle lock and belly to belly suplexed the officials who tried to make him release the hold. At the time, I was extremely disappointed about this because I was a big Shamrock fan.

The best match of the night was the Dumpster Match, where Cactus Jack & Terry Funk defeated the New Age Outlaws to win the tag team titles. The finish came when Funk used a forklift to drop the champions in a dumpster backstage. The titles were declared vacant the next night on Raw since it was determined the Outlaws were dumped in the wrong dumpster…lol, you got to love this business.

The Undertaker and Kane wrestled each other for the very first time. Before the match, Pete Rose came out and called Boston the city of losers and made references to the 1986 World Series. Kane came out and hit Rose with the Tombstone for his trouble.

Undertaker won the match after hitting Kane with three tombstone piledrivers. Afterward, Kane recovered and tombstoned the Undertaker onto a steel chair. This was the match I was most excited about, and it didn’t deliver. It was slow-paced, and the fans were chanting “Holyfield, Holyfield” throughout the match

The main event featuring Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels w/ Mike Tyson as the special guest enforcer was a great match, but it is known more for its historical significance. Austin winning the WWF Title in this setting solidified him as the biggest superstar in the industry.

Everything was executed to perfection. The finish came when Austin caught the superkick, and hit the Stunner. Tyson revealed he was wearing an Austin 3:16 shirt underneath his DX attire, and K.O.’d Michaels for his trouble. Watching this at the time felt like you were a part of something special. It is one of the most important WrestleMania moments of all time because it ushered in the Attitude Era.

My friends and I were on cloud nine as we walked down to the commuter rail platform, only to discover the 11:49 pm train was going to be delayed until 2:00 am. Great, I already was going to catch an ass whooping from my Dad, and now I won’t be home until almost 3:00 am. I should have called my folks to let them know, but I was too scared.

Outside it was pandemonium. Yelling, screaming, and people getting arrested were the sights of the evening. Fans jumped on the hood of any wrestler’s car that left through the front gate of the arena. A white limo pulled up to the gate, and security doubled in an instant.

The limo took a right-hand turn out of the gate and stopped in the middle of the street. A muscular bald guy in jeans and a black t-shirt emerged from the sunroof. He was looking in the opposite direction so no one could see his face. Fans rushed to see if it was him. I snuck by the police and made it to the limo. He turned to look at me and it was him! Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Like the biggest mark, I yelled: “IT’S HIM, IT’S REALLY HIM.” The police blockade became a wall of jello as fans ran towards the limo. Austin started slapping hands with everyone as the police pulled people off the limo. I hung on to the limo with my knees on the bumper and hands gripped tightly to the boomerang-shaped T.V. antenna until one of Boston’s finest knocked me down with a forearm shiver to the jaw.

Definitely not my proudest moment.

I got home a little before 3:00 am, and lucky for me, my Dad was asleep. It felt like I had only slept for two minutes, and it was already time to get ready for school. I told my Mom about the train delay and asked her if I could stay home, and of course, she said no.

I came home after going through school like a zombie, expecting my father’s wrath. He was at work, and I asked my Mom if he had said anything. She replied, “He didn’t say anything. Nothing at all”. I said, “How could that be?” and she said, “He should have known better than to think he could prevent you from going to WrestleMania of all things…You’re still grounded, though.”

2003 Royal Rumble Review

The bright lights of FleetCenter in Boston, Massachusetts, shined down on WWE as the Royal Rumble brought mayhem, action, and excitement to a worldwide audience. I attended this event with some good friends, and it was quite the show, even though it was obvious to me that Brock Lesnar would win the Rumble to set up his match with Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania 19.

In my youthful years, I would wait outside the security gates on Causeway St. to catch a glimpse of the wrestlers entering the building on the off chance that one of them would hand out an autograph. I never obtained an autograph in all my years of attending events. However, I did witness Booker T and Rob Van Dam trade backstage passes for a bag of weed with a fan a few hours before the show.

I remember little about the Spike Dudley vs. Steven Richards on Sunday Night Heat, except for fans chanting “ECW, ECW” throughout the match. The opening match for the pay-per-view pitted The Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar, where the winner gained entry into the Royal Rumble match. Both men traded power moves back and forth until Lesnar landed the F5 for the victory. Big Show jumped Lesnar from behind in a jealous rage after the bell and injured his ribs, thus casting doubt over Lesnar’s participation later on.

The Dudley Boyz wrestle Lance Storm & William Regal in a match, with the usual bad guys getting the upper hand for most of the match until D-Von makes the hot tag to Bubba Ray. He cleans house and sets up Regal for D-Von’s dreaded “WAZZZZZ UUUUUP” headbutt from the top rope. They nailed Storm with the Dudley Death Drop and captured their 8^th WWE Tag Team Championship. Torrie Wilson beat Dawn Marie in a forgettable match, and fans were disillusioned with the entire angle due to the storyline involving the fake death of Torrie’s father, which was done in a dull and shameless manner.

Triple H defended the World Heavyweight Championship against “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner, who was making his in-ring return to WWE. This was a WWE vs. WCW dream match that became a nightmare. Steiner got winded five minutes into the match and looked completely lost. Most wrestlers kick, punch, or clothesline, but Steiner threw suplex after suplex until Triple H got himself disqualified to end the match. The fans loved Steiner when he walked in and hated him when he left. This is why you never saw him near the main event again: if Hunter can’t pull a good match out of you, then Fuhgeddaboudit.

The WWE title match was next as Kurt Angle defended against Chris Benoit. This was the single greatest wrestling match I have ever seen in person. The fans inside the FleetCenter witnessed 20 minutes of wrestling poetry. Boston is usually funny regarding technical wrestling since we have been treated to many of the greatest moments in history. The fans were on the edge of their seats as these two gave it everything they had. What made this match unique is that it was a different style than WWE was used to producing.

Angle and Benoit had no restrictions on what they were allowed to do. At the 12-minute mark of the match, Benoit hit a release German suplex that turned Angle inside out and jacked the crowd out of their seats. Benoit applied his fifth Crippler Crossface, but Angle reversed it and secured the Ankle Lock for the fourth time in the match. Benoit used his legs to kick him away several times, but Angle held on like a pit bull. Angle pulled Benoit to the center and sat down on the leg, and with nowhere to go, Benoit had no choice but to tap out.

This match represented the difference between Raw and Smackdown at the time. Raw was the show for big angles, while Smackdown was a wrestler’s wrestling show. The standing ovation Chris Benoit received after the match was a moment I would never forget, as he was the guy who was my professional influence as a wrestler. I also believe that ovation made Vince McMahon realize Benoit could be a world champion.

It is now time for the Royal Rumble!

15 Raw superstars and 15 Smackdown superstars duked it out, with the winner getting a title shot against their brand’s champion in the main event at WrestleMania 19. Even though it was one of the least memorable Rumbles in history, it did have its moments, including Chris Jericho’s MVP performance, eliminating Shawn Michaels almost immediately. Rey Mysterio and Edge came out early and delivered some action-packed moves.

Tommy Dreamer came in at #10 and turned it into a hardcore rumble with a trash can full of weapons, ala New Jack. The innovator of violence cleaned house with an arsenal of household items and hit Jericho with the mother of kendo stick shots. The sound reverberated like a gunshot as Jericho Nestea plunged to the canvas. Y2J got the last laugh as he made Dreamer his 6th elimination of the night.

Rikishi came in at #20 and super kicked the hell out of everyone but was eventually eliminated by Batista. Shawn Michaels came back out to try and failed to illegally eliminate Chris Jericho but provided enough distraction for Test to big boot the Winnipeg native over the top rope and out of the Rumble. The heavy hitters started coming in with Lesnar at #29 and The Undertaker at #30.

The final four came down to Lesnar, Taker, Batista and Kane. Undertaker eliminated Batista and then battled Kane before eliminating him. Batista was angered at his elimination, so he distracted Undertaker by attempting to hit him with a chair, but Undertaker avoided it and nailed Batista with a chair. Lesnar took advantage of the situation and eliminated a distracted Undertaker to win the Royal Rumble.

Overall, the 2003 installment of the Royal Rumble was a thumbs-in-the-middle affair. Raw was exposed while Smackdown reigned supreme. The Rumble sold the show, but the WWE Title Match stole the show with a performance that will be forgotten due to the scandal that scarred Benoit’s reputation forever. However, he wasn’t the only one in that match because it takes two to tango. I remember 1/19/03 as a great time with my best friends, and the night Kurt Angle proved that he was the best wrestler on the planet with a once-in-a-lifetime performance that will never be duplicated.

Why No Love For Jr. Pac-Man???

Santa Claus was extremely generous in 1987 when he left the Atari 2600 and my first video game, Jr. Pac-Man, under my tree. While my friends were accustomed to playing with Junior’s parents, I enjoyed the prospect of riding around a maze in a tricycle. What I want to know, though, is how come we can’t get any love for the little guy? Continue reading “Why No Love For Jr. Pac-Man???” →

‘Smokin’ Joe Frazier 1944 – 2011

Who Says Fighting Solves Nothing?

My parents hadn’t met each other yet when Joe Frazier was the heavyweight champion of the world. Still, I felt a lot of sadness when news of his passing broke. I’m a casual boxing fan at best who enjoys the big mega fight on occasion. Watching Joe Frazier beat Muhammad Ali, via VHS, was a moment for me that validated the notion that ethnicity is not defined by public perception or stereotypes. In the days leading up to their encounter at the Garden, Ali hurled a plethora of racial insults that questioned how “black” Frazier really was. Ali was loud and flamboyant while Frazier was reserved but fierce. Fight night arrived on March 8, 1971 and ‘Smokin’ Joe did his talking in the ring.

Continue reading “‘Smokin’ Joe Frazier 1944 – 2011” →

Can A Short Guy Be Darth Vader For Halloween?

Halloween is one of the few days of the year when I can unleash my inner child and take a break from that responsible adult thing. The costume I choose is the key ingredient in this endeavor. I have been everything from a clown to Freddy Krueger.

My goal has always been to be Darth Vader. The problem is I’m not exactly the tallest tree in the woods. Before we continue, yes, I know this is not a Star Wars blog. However, the first Star Wars comic book was published on March 8^th, 1977, 79 days before the first movie was released, so there’s your connection, and besides, it’s my blog.

Darth Vader is my favorite science fiction character. I’ve often wished for the ability to force choke someone and have extended my arm in many a failed attempt to levitate the remote control. Vader’s influence has profoundly impacted my life, and all I want to do is pay homage to the dark lord of the Sith.

I gravitate towards the Star Wars section at the costume shop, and I always try on the Darth Vader mask with the special breathing sound effects. My wife always says, “Just do it,” when it’s so obvious what I am contemplating as I wield a plastic lightsaber in the aisle in a dignified manner while a five-year-old wearing a Boba Fett helmet looks at me like I’m the weirdo.

Friends have suggested I dress up as Yoda if I’m apprehensive about the height disparity. Hold the phone. I’m not an AT-AT, but I’m not an Ewok either. Truth be told, I have no quarrel with Yoda, as he and my dog share the same name. The few extra pounds I carry nowadays would make me look more like Slimer than the Jedi master himself.

I could always say I’m dressed as Lord Helmet or, better yet, Vader’s second cousin, Dark Vader. Maybe I will just man up and say, ‘HELL YEAH, I’M DARTH VADER.” It all depends; can a short guy really pull it off?